Words here from my 2016 book The Teacher, exploring the theme of loneliness and our response to it.
Loneliness
It was only a passing visit, just a brief call to say hello and check that she was well, but it
was the highlight of her week, for she was alone and housebound, rarely seeing anybody
from one day to the next. And as she opened the door, her face lit up with joy, as though she were greeting royalty.
Then I said to the Teacher, ‘Speak to me of loneliness, of the cross so many carry.’
And the Teacher answered, ‘There was a man with no family, entirely alone. He worked tirelessly, yet his eyes took no pleasure in the riches he amassed as a result. “Who am I doing all this for?” he asked himself. “Why am I denying myself the good time I could be having instead?”’
And I glimpsed the sense of emptiness that loneliness can bring: the feeling of futility, of each day being the same; of having no one to work for, to please, to share with – to make it all worthwhile.
I felt the weight of isolation, the pain of having love to share and no one to share it with, of feeling that your welfare matters to no one.
And I said to the Teacher, ‘Speak more of this burden.’
Then the Teacher answered, ‘Two are better than one; their efforts will bear fruit, for should one start to flag the other can step in and help them. It’s bad news, though, for those who are on their own; should they fall, there will be no one to lift them up. Two people can keep warm if they lie together. How, though, can we keep warm by ourselves? A single person will easily be overpowered, whereas two will be able to defend themselves. And a cord composed of three strands will not be broken in a hurry.’
I understood then the importance of company and the difference it makes to one’s life. I glimpsed how special it is to share a conversation as much as a home, a meal as much a bed, a blessing as much as a burden, and sensed how vulnerable it must feel to be truly alone.
And I understood also that some feel isolated even in a crowd, trapped within themselves even when with others – perhaps the greatest loneliness of all. Yet I saw too that there are none so lonely as live only for themselves, and that if we keep the world at bay, we will always feel on our own. But if we will only reach out to the faceless crowd, we will find there are more than we might imagine who are as lonely as we are, yearning to find a friend.
And I saw that the surest cure for loneliness is not to pine for others, but to think of them, for no one is lonely when they offer solace. And to let someone who is on their own know that we care is like opening the door to their cage and helping them to fly.