You’ll all know the feeling well enough. You’ve prayed for help in turning over a new leaf, in overcoming a weakness, in resisting a temptation you know you’re vulnerable, and once again you’ve been found wanting when the moment of truth arrived. So here you are, praying again . . . and again . . . and again, just as you’ve done so many times before. It’s hard, isn’t it, to pray with quite the same conviction when it seems to make no difference? When we’re found wanting so many times? Yet, like the persistent widow in the parable of Jesus, we mustn’t give up. On the contrary, that’s when we must keep praying most of all. This prayer, taken from my forthcoming book Praying Without Pretence: Honest Prayers for Honest People, takes up that theme.
Lord, you know what I’m praying for today.
I asked for it yesterday …
and the day before …
and the day before that …
just as I seem to have been praying for it almost every day of my life:
make me a better person.
Only I’m not –
not really.
For all my pleading,
all my striving,
all my best intentions,
I’ve failed to make any real progress,
for I’m pretty much the same person I’ve always been,
making the same mistakes,
displaying the same faults,
vulnerable to the same temptations.
I’m still selfish,
though I try to be generous;
still weak,
though I strive to be strong;
still foolish,
though I yearn to be wise.
And though I talk about loving,
caring,
serving,
forgiving,
I’m good at applying all these to myself,
but when it comes to others, I find it so much harder.
Dare I ask again?
Is there any point,
for is there any prospect of me really changing?
Experience says no,
but faith insists yes,
and so, despite my repeated failures,
my countless false dawns,
I ask you once again –
ashamedly,
hesitantly,
but with all my heart,
help me, truly, to be a better person.
Amen.