Here’s a prayer from my forthcoming book Praying Without Pretence: Honest Prayers for Honest People, due to come out some time next year. It’s theme is simple: the fact that we sometimes struggle to trust in God, and with good reason. There can be no denying that much in life and the world around us challenges tenets of our faith; not to admit that is to put our head in the sand. But honest prayer involves bringing to God our questions as much as our answers, our sorrow as much as our joy, our confusion as much as our certainty, out doubt as much as our faith. God, I sincerely believe, prefers us to lay things on the line, to express how we really feel, than to say what we think we ought to say, however much we struggle to believe it. This prayer speaks for me; I hope it does for you too.
Trust God, they say.
Have faith.
Put my trust in him.
But how can I, Lord,
when so much in life seems to argue against that?
I watch the news,
and I see such evil,
such suffering,
such injustice –
so many wrongs you seemingly turn your back on.
I visit the hospital,
and there is tragedy all around me:
children wrestling with cancer,
babies stillborn,
patients afflicted by all kinds of disease –
yet you do not seem to care.
I drive past the nursing home,
shutting out the spectre of dementia,
of failing minds and bodies,
of life increasingly robbed of value and dignity –
and I know, if I live long enough, it may well come to me.
And my spirit cries out to you:
‘How can you let it happen?’
‘Why don’t you hear our prayers?’
‘How can these things be?’
Does that shock you, Lord?
I’m sorry if it does,
but I can’t help it,
for all this and so much else leaves me reeling,
wondering,
questioning,
trying to make sense of what exactly I’m trusting you to do,
when it often appears you don’t do anything at all.
I know it’s not as simple as that,
faith not being about expecting you deliver everything I ask for,
and I know that the strength and help you promise comes in many shapes and forms,
but I have to be honest with myself …
and with you …
or else my prayers will end up being simply a going through the motions.
So today my plea to you is this:
I want to trust,
I really do,
but sometimes I find it so very, very hard.
Help me.
Amen.