Even the most thick-skinned of us feel embarrassed sometimes. It’s a part of life and nine times out of ten we’d probably accept the cause as of our own making. But I expect we’ve also all had times when, quite inadvertently, we’ve put our foot in it, ruffling feathers, even causing offence when that was the last thing we intended. It may be, of course, that we genuinely had no way of knowing, but we do well at such times to ask ourselves whether we were really listening, or whether our minds were too much on ourselves and too little on those we were talking to. That’s the question put to us in this session, taken from my early book Are You Listening?
I could kick myself
Read
If there is any encouragement in Christ, any consolation from love, any sharing in the Spirit, any compassion and sympathy, make my joy complete: be of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others. Philippians 2:1-4
Reflect and pray
I could kick myself, I really could.
To think I could have been so thoughtless,
so unfeeling,
so insensitive.
I didn’t mean any harm, Lord, you know that –
quite the opposite –
my only desire to show friendship,
to let her know I cared.
But I opened my mouth too quickly,
without stopping to check my facts,
too full of what I could offer
to listen to what she was saying.
And the result?
I jumped in with both feet –
and she ended up in tears,
more upset than before I spoke.
Oh, she was very nice about it –
told me it wasn’t my fault,
that I couldn’t have known –
and it’s true to a point,
but the signs were there,
the alarm bells ringing,
if only I’d had eyes to see and ears to hear.
Lord, I feel such a fool,
such an idiot.
I could kick myself,
I really could.
My child, what’s all this about you?
Have you still not got it after all you’ve been through?
Of course it hurts, the memory of that mistake –
it’s meant to.
Your ego’s been bruised,
your pride dented –
I’d be disappointed in you if it wasn’t.
But you’ll get over it soon enough,
another lesson put down to experience,
and before long you’ll look back
with a wry grin and embarrassed chuckle.
What of her, though – that’s the question?
You said it yourself –
there should have been less of you
and more of her,
and if that was true then it’s all the more now.
She’s the one you ought to be worried about –
how she’s feeling and how she’ll still feel
when for you this is all a distant memory.
So don’t just sit there,
licking your wounds,
feeling sorry for yourself.
Don’t ask me for a pat on the back,
and a reassuring word of absolution.
Get back where you’re needed,
reach out to those who are hurting,
try again to show you care,
only this time stop and ask yourself
who you’re really there for –
is it you,
or them?