Few people can resist a bit of flattery. Which of us doesn’t like being told something pleasing about ourselves, something that boosts our ego a little? We’d be less than human if we didn’t. But we need to be careful if we’re not to be taken in by those who are flattering to deceive. Enjoy the moment by all means, but never allow praise or smooth talking to make you think more highly of yourself than you should, or, as the following reflection from my book The Teacher reminds us, you might be left to rue the consequences.
Flattery
I saw a fool feted for their wisdom, a journeyman hailed as a genius, a beginner likened to a master. And they exulted in the praise, preening themselves like portentous peacocks, convinced of their merit. And while they boasted, a multitude sniggered behind their back.
Then I said to the Teacher, ‘Speak further on this. Tell me what it means.’
And the Teacher replied, ‘Whoever flatters their neighbour is casting a net that their neighbour may well end up getting trapped in.’
Then I saw that what we want to hear and what we need to hear are altogether different, those who pander to our ego finding a receptive ear, yet those who challenge our cherished self-perceptions meeting instead with a closed mind. For we are all proficient at deceiving ourselves, never mind needing help to do so from another. And without someone to challenge us, we all struggle to accept unwelcome truths.
And I saw that flattery sets us up for humiliation, fostering illusions that need to be questioned and expectations that ought to be checked. Yet honesty is hard to find, for it costs little to give praise, and all like to receive it, whereas to bring down to earth is harder, welcomed by few and resented by most.
Then I said to the Teacher, ‘Should I truly shatter someone’s illusions? Can that ever be of help?’
And the Teacher answered, ‘Whoever delivers a well-earned rebuke will ultimately be more appreciated than those who pander to our vanity.’
I realised then that though many welcome flattery, few will finally be thankful for it, and though honesty may bring pain for a moment, it will ultimately save from hurt. For the words of a flatterer may appear sweet, but the taste they leave is sour, whereas words of truth may be hard to swallow, but are good medicine, helping to make us whole.
Better to know what we can do than vainly attempt what we can’t. Better to attain the moon than chase hopelessly after the stars.
My conclusion, then, is this: do not let praise go to your head, or you’ll surely stumble and fall. Listen as much to those who question as to those who flatter, as much with your mind as with your heart, as much to what deflates as delights you, and you will not be led astray.