How often have you tried to turn over a new leaf, only to fall back into your old ways before you know it? How often have you made a resolution, only to break it before the first day is out? As the old saying has it, ‘the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak’. Try as we might, sometimes we just can’t seem to help ourselves – temptation is too strong to resist. And it’s easy at such times to lose heart or succumb to feelings of guilt, asking ourselves bitterly, ‘Why did I do it?’ Yet we should never despair, for God is far less critical of us than we are of ourselves. He’s grieved by our mistakes, of course, but, unlike us – as the following thoughts from my book Are You Listening? make clear – he is always ready to forgive and forget, always ready to wipe the slate clean and help us begin again.
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I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. I find it to be a law that when I want to do what is good, evil lies close at hand. Romans 7:15, 21
Reflect
Why did I do it, Lord?
Why did I let you down again?
After all those promises,
all those resolutions,
why is it I rush towards temptation
like a moth attracted to a candle?
I cannot seem to help it.
Time and again I tell myself,
‘This time will be different! This time I will not fail!’
But when the moment comes
it’s the same old story –
I resist for a moment,
a token gesture,
but in my heart I know it won’t be long before the excuses win the day,
and I give in yet again.
Why Lord?
Why am I so weak and foolish,
unable even to live up to my own expectations,
let alone yours?
Lord, I’m ashamed,
ashamed of what I do and who I am,
of having to come once more
asking for your forgiveness
when I have no right to expect it.
Forgive me.
My child, don’t lose heart.
You did let me down, yes,
and of course I’m disappointed,
but I understand –
I know what’s going on deep inside you,
and I realise you’d like to be different
even if you never quite succeed.
Keep trying, always,
no matter how many times you fail,
or how often you feel like giving up –
that’s all I ask.
You’ll still make mistakes,
never be perfect,
probably go on letting me down
until your dying day –
I realise that.
But, believe me, I won’t be half as hard on you
as you are on yourself.
I may be disappointed,
but as long as you’re truly sorry,
I’ll always be ready to forgive,
and always ready to start again.
It’s when you’re no longer ashamed,
when you don’t care any more,
when your mistakes don’t seem to matter –
it’s then that I’ll really start to worry,
and then perhaps you should start worrying too.
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Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! Romans 7:24, 25