‘Life must be lived forwards, but it can only be understood backwards.’ So observed the Danish theologian Soren Kierkegaard. And there’s a lot of truth in that observation. Often we cannot make sense of our existence from one day to another. We look for a purpose but see only a riddle. Holding on to faith, faced with the apparent inactivity of God, can be a struggle. Yet, with the benefit of hindsight, we look back and recognise how God was at work in our lives when we were least aware of it? And suddenly – as this reflection from my book Are You Listening? reminds us – instead of plaintively asking, ‘Where are you?’ we joyfully exclaim, ‘You’re here, Lord!’
Read
I cry aloud to God, aloud to God, that he may hear me. In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying; my soul refuses to be comforted. I think of God, and I moan; I meditate, and my spirit faints. ‘Will the Lord spurn for ever, and never again be favourable? Has his steadfast love ceased for ever? Are his promises at an end for all time?’ Psalm 77:1-3, 7-8
Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there; if I make my bed in Sheol, you are there. If I take the wings of the morning and settle at the farthest limits of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me fast. Psalm 139:7-10
Reflect
You’re here, Lord!
How did I never see it before?
How did I go so wrong,
aching,
thirsting,
searching,
when all the time you were here,
standing by my side,
right before my very eyes?
It’s astonishing, yet it’s true –
day after day I’ve gone through life
oblivious to your presence.
I’ve knelt in prayer and begged you to hear me,
I’ve shared in worship, hungry to meet you,
I’ve studied your word, thirsting for guidance,
yet when you answered,
when you touched my soul,
I never knew it, even when you called my name.
Why Lord?
Wasn’t I listening?
Was my mind distracted,
my attention elsewhere?
I thought I was ready,
tuned in and waiting,
but I wasn’t,
for somehow I missed you
when you were there all along.
My child,
there’s no mystery,
strange though it all seems to you.
You were listening,
as eagerly and intently as I could have wished for,
except for one thing –
it was for your answer,
in your time,
on your terms!
That’s what muddled you.
When I told you to wait,
you wanted to hurry;
when I answered no,
you shouted yes;
when I asked for patience,
you chafed with frustration;
when I urged you forward,
you wandered back.
It wasn’t me you were looking for,
much though you thought it,
but yourself –
me made in your image
rather than you made in mine,
and that’s why you never heard.
But I was there for all that,
just as I always am,
just as I’ll always be,
speaking my word,
leading you by the hand,
offering you my guidance,
and waiting till you respond.
So the next time you do not see me,
when you call my name and I do not seem to answer,
look within and ask yourself::
are you really listening,
and do you want to hear?